Monday, April 2, 2012
One of those days!
Man it has just been one of those days where you yourself either want to pull all your hair out, or shoot someone!! Crazy!!!...I know that the saying is "This shall soon pass & tomorrow is another day, well come on tomorrow I am ready, actually how about next month come on!! ha-ha!! man al well just gotta keep my chin up, & it will get better. My how the stresses of every day life can just get to you so much to the point of just giving up on everything, & everyone...but if I gave up that would just make me a walking talking blah, blah, blah, contradiction lol...No worries I am not giving up boy do I feel like it ha-ha!! but I won't...I know God is greater than this...Well ta ta for now I am sure I will write more later! <3 <3
Been Awhile!!
So it has been awhile since I have written last.
Ya know? It is so funny how life has its twists turns. I have been learning a lot through this journey in life, & what I have found out is, that life is like a roller coaster. You take a turn you keep going, & than all of a sudden you turn upside down, in a tunnel & you are just kinda stuck for while cause the ride shut down for a little bit, & than all of a sudden it starts up again & your going, going, going, & than, well it kinda stops again, & does it all over again. Man I wish I knew what was around each corner but I don't, which really sucks ha-ha!! But I guess that is what makes life exciting right? never knowing what is coming next, never knowing what people you are going to meet, & than wondering why those people come into your life just for a passing, or just for a short time. I know that I meet them for a reason. I thank God for all of those people that I have met I believe that each & every one of them have left some sort of impact in my life & each one has a special place in my heart, & always will. I pray to God that I have helped them, or left some sort of positive print in their life just as much as they have left one in mine.
I have so many decisions that I have to make in my life right now, UGH so frustrating, & so difficult to see the path that God wants me to take, you make a decision & than when you choose one you begin to question, or doubt it. I pray to God that I am on the right path in life, & that wherever He leads me I will be able to be used to the fullest of my ability.
I know that in life you hit a ton of rough spots, but let me tell you, the worst decision you can ever make is giving up. When you give up on one thing it is that much easier to give up on the next thing. Never make excuses, never justify, & never say whatever, it doesn't even matter anymore. Because let me tell you, you are going to fall down a lot in life, & you are going to want to give & just throw in the towel. Never give up, because when you fall, God is going to be right there to pick you up again, & He is going to be right there by your side telling you, "You can do this, you can make it to that finish line." You know why? Cause you are worth it, & everything that you are & created to be is needed for the furthering of His Kingdom, God wants you use us, & He will but you have to be willing to God never said it would be easy, He never said we would be comfortable, It is going to get messy, but I know I am ready to do anything to help those who do not know them, I know it won't be easy, but in the end it is going to be completely worth it. So I hope that you guys be you, be that person God created you to be, & use it for Him & know one else. <3
Ya know? It is so funny how life has its twists turns. I have been learning a lot through this journey in life, & what I have found out is, that life is like a roller coaster. You take a turn you keep going, & than all of a sudden you turn upside down, in a tunnel & you are just kinda stuck for while cause the ride shut down for a little bit, & than all of a sudden it starts up again & your going, going, going, & than, well it kinda stops again, & does it all over again. Man I wish I knew what was around each corner but I don't, which really sucks ha-ha!! But I guess that is what makes life exciting right? never knowing what is coming next, never knowing what people you are going to meet, & than wondering why those people come into your life just for a passing, or just for a short time. I know that I meet them for a reason. I thank God for all of those people that I have met I believe that each & every one of them have left some sort of impact in my life & each one has a special place in my heart, & always will. I pray to God that I have helped them, or left some sort of positive print in their life just as much as they have left one in mine.
I have so many decisions that I have to make in my life right now, UGH so frustrating, & so difficult to see the path that God wants me to take, you make a decision & than when you choose one you begin to question, or doubt it. I pray to God that I am on the right path in life, & that wherever He leads me I will be able to be used to the fullest of my ability.
I know that in life you hit a ton of rough spots, but let me tell you, the worst decision you can ever make is giving up. When you give up on one thing it is that much easier to give up on the next thing. Never make excuses, never justify, & never say whatever, it doesn't even matter anymore. Because let me tell you, you are going to fall down a lot in life, & you are going to want to give & just throw in the towel. Never give up, because when you fall, God is going to be right there to pick you up again, & He is going to be right there by your side telling you, "You can do this, you can make it to that finish line." You know why? Cause you are worth it, & everything that you are & created to be is needed for the furthering of His Kingdom, God wants you use us, & He will but you have to be willing to God never said it would be easy, He never said we would be comfortable, It is going to get messy, but I know I am ready to do anything to help those who do not know them, I know it won't be easy, but in the end it is going to be completely worth it. So I hope that you guys be you, be that person God created you to be, & use it for Him & know one else. <3
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Slightly busy day & quite tired
Well due to a slightly busy day...it went pretty well. Had youth group tonight & that went really well. Being a worship leader is great. It is so fulfilling I love it. Tonight as I was singing I just felt the presence of God. Sometimes it is really difficult for me to worship because I tend to focus on the dynamics & the notes of the music, but it is nice when you have someone in the band playing the guitar who knows what they are doing it makes it much easier (Brian you are awesome!!) & I think that God knows that about me it liked to est me sometimes. It's not abut that it sounds like all that matters is that we are praising our God, & anything to Hi is beautiful to Him. But all in all it was lovely. God is truly wonderful.
It has been a really rough month, 2 months, ok well year, & last year as well. God has just taught me through all of the trials that I have been through are still in it seems , that it makes you stronger & a better person. I feel like I have climbed mountains, & am still climbing them. I know that He never gives you more than you can handle, but it is still very difficult to remember that. I know I am guilty as well, but it just seems like everyone clings on to the world instead of clinging unto God in their most difficult times of trial. I know that
I have seen myself do that a lot. but my prayer is that we don't cling unto the the things of this world but to God our Rock, our strong hold. If it was not for God I would no be here honestly.
Ok, so I have this dream that not many people know about me, & it is something that not many people would guess...& I don't know if this is good or bad haha! but anyway my dream is to go to a foreign Country & to work in an orphanage & help people, kids, love them & show them true, genuine love that they have never been shown before. I love children so much, I mean so much, to the point that it literally kills me inside ya know? It really breaks my heart when I hear stories abut children that have no one, & feel like that they have no one. I am very sensitive to that I mean I am a sensitive person in general, but I am very sensitive to the topic of children. It is so crucial for them to have someone to value them. It helps make who they are going to become. I feel like that if a child does not have that love that they are more likely to turn out not so great in the world and feel completely lost be completely broken by the time they reach adulthood. I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to e that role model of love, & care to a child that has no one because honestly there are so many, & so I pray that God will listen to my heart, & that I listen to Go d& go where He wants me to. Lead me in the right direction. I know He has a plan...I just am not sure what that is quite yet...
It has been a really rough month, 2 months, ok well year, & last year as well. God has just taught me through all of the trials that I have been through are still in it seems , that it makes you stronger & a better person. I feel like I have climbed mountains, & am still climbing them. I know that He never gives you more than you can handle, but it is still very difficult to remember that. I know I am guilty as well, but it just seems like everyone clings on to the world instead of clinging unto God in their most difficult times of trial. I know that
I have seen myself do that a lot. but my prayer is that we don't cling unto the the things of this world but to God our Rock, our strong hold. If it was not for God I would no be here honestly.
Ok, so I have this dream that not many people know about me, & it is something that not many people would guess...& I don't know if this is good or bad haha! but anyway my dream is to go to a foreign Country & to work in an orphanage & help people, kids, love them & show them true, genuine love that they have never been shown before. I love children so much, I mean so much, to the point that it literally kills me inside ya know? It really breaks my heart when I hear stories abut children that have no one, & feel like that they have no one. I am very sensitive to that I mean I am a sensitive person in general, but I am very sensitive to the topic of children. It is so crucial for them to have someone to value them. It helps make who they are going to become. I feel like that if a child does not have that love that they are more likely to turn out not so great in the world and feel completely lost be completely broken by the time they reach adulthood. I guess what I am trying to say is that I want to e that role model of love, & care to a child that has no one because honestly there are so many, & so I pray that God will listen to my heart, & that I listen to Go d& go where He wants me to. Lead me in the right direction. I know He has a plan...I just am not sure what that is quite yet...
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Confusion...Love....
Sometimes I have a very difficult time breaking down how I truly feel, into spoken words...but writing them down seems to help sometimes.
I have always wondered why it is so difficult for me to express my feelings. Even out on paper, & I think I have figured out why. Growing up in my family, I was always shown through others to bottle up feelings & not let them show, but let them sit & fester until it is this huge deal & this enormous explosion of emotions, take place, like a nuclear bomb of emotions was set off. So many emotions that you can't really pin point it to just one, but several.
I have reached a point in my life where it is a bit easier for me, but still rather difficult on some things. For example if someone is having a conversation about about an issue & they say they would like my input I try very hard give it, but can't. It is not that I am scared or nervous it is just that my thought process almost doesn't want to work, and when asked a straight forward question, I go into in automatic reaction mode & completely switch off. It is quite infuriating.
There truly are days where I sit & ask God why He made me the way I am, because honestly it confuses me very much. To the point of anger. I am very emotional I always have been, I cry at the drop of a pin, I wear my heart on my sleeve, & if someone says BOO!! well watch out, someone just opened the flood gates of tears!! Oh dear...Well I am not as bad as I use to be but still, it is quite frustrating.
I suppose I just want to be more hard core, more of a rock, have more of a back bone...I have always envied ones who can stand up for themselves & not feel bad about it, & truly, I mean truly be themselves. I know that God made me this way, but I really just want God to show me how to embrace the true Olivia that has not really found herself completely yet. I feel like God has instilled something in me that I have not found yet, or a just completely blind to it. I know that there is a drive deep inside of me that I have not yet been able to grasp. Something, that is like an essence of doing something remarkable that I, myself never dreamed I could do. I am very excited for that day when I find what that is.
Like tonight 2 of my guy friends were discussing relationships, & they wanted me to put my input in on it & for some reason I couldn't. I really had things to say but could not bring it into words.
My feelings on relationships is that Dating is very stupid & not even worth the time. Honestly, it sets your heart up for a lot of hurt & complete tragedy. As a girl, (I know cause I have done this in the past) When a girl likes someone we put our whole heart into it because we truly long for that Love & that want cause we are built that way, ya know? but when you like someone you give a little piece of your heart away each time. I have met so many girls that have a new guy almost every time I talk to them & they come to me & tell me, "Liv, I just feel torn up over that last guy he tore my heart out & stomped on it, I gave him everything all of me & he stole it from me & didn't care, but this guy that I have now truly loves me." & the next week they are broken up & it is the same story every time...every time. It breaks my heart that girls in this generation are taught that they have to have a guy to love to find their self worth.
I believe that God truly has that someone out there for you, but dating is not the way it is intended to find them. "Find" I also think that is where many people go wrong "Oh I just haven't found my Prince Charming yet!" We weren't told to find anyone. I believe that we are called to wait & God will bring that someone even when we least expect it. I'l get girls saying "But how will I know?" here is the thing I think you will know it will just feel right, & you will have peace in your heart about it. It may not be butterflies, & all that lovey, dovey infatuation like you see in movies or stories, cause I believe that, that is not how it works. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are moments like that, but we can be very blind sometimes & get caught up in those moments & it is mostly just the infatuation. I want more than infatuation. I want the Love of God straight & smack dab in the middle of us where we are so completely & deeply in love with God that, God brings us together without even knowing it, or expecting it, & only at His timing, & by His Will. Love should never be rushed, it should never be forced but love should be aloud to grow. When it is done that way I have seen so any people blessed through it, & it is just a beautiful thing... beautiful.
I have always wondered why it is so difficult for me to express my feelings. Even out on paper, & I think I have figured out why. Growing up in my family, I was always shown through others to bottle up feelings & not let them show, but let them sit & fester until it is this huge deal & this enormous explosion of emotions, take place, like a nuclear bomb of emotions was set off. So many emotions that you can't really pin point it to just one, but several.
I have reached a point in my life where it is a bit easier for me, but still rather difficult on some things. For example if someone is having a conversation about about an issue & they say they would like my input I try very hard give it, but can't. It is not that I am scared or nervous it is just that my thought process almost doesn't want to work, and when asked a straight forward question, I go into in automatic reaction mode & completely switch off. It is quite infuriating.
There truly are days where I sit & ask God why He made me the way I am, because honestly it confuses me very much. To the point of anger. I am very emotional I always have been, I cry at the drop of a pin, I wear my heart on my sleeve, & if someone says BOO!! well watch out, someone just opened the flood gates of tears!! Oh dear...Well I am not as bad as I use to be but still, it is quite frustrating.
I suppose I just want to be more hard core, more of a rock, have more of a back bone...I have always envied ones who can stand up for themselves & not feel bad about it, & truly, I mean truly be themselves. I know that God made me this way, but I really just want God to show me how to embrace the true Olivia that has not really found herself completely yet. I feel like God has instilled something in me that I have not found yet, or a just completely blind to it. I know that there is a drive deep inside of me that I have not yet been able to grasp. Something, that is like an essence of doing something remarkable that I, myself never dreamed I could do. I am very excited for that day when I find what that is.
Like tonight 2 of my guy friends were discussing relationships, & they wanted me to put my input in on it & for some reason I couldn't. I really had things to say but could not bring it into words.
My feelings on relationships is that Dating is very stupid & not even worth the time. Honestly, it sets your heart up for a lot of hurt & complete tragedy. As a girl, (I know cause I have done this in the past) When a girl likes someone we put our whole heart into it because we truly long for that Love & that want cause we are built that way, ya know? but when you like someone you give a little piece of your heart away each time. I have met so many girls that have a new guy almost every time I talk to them & they come to me & tell me, "Liv, I just feel torn up over that last guy he tore my heart out & stomped on it, I gave him everything all of me & he stole it from me & didn't care, but this guy that I have now truly loves me." & the next week they are broken up & it is the same story every time...every time. It breaks my heart that girls in this generation are taught that they have to have a guy to love to find their self worth.
I believe that God truly has that someone out there for you, but dating is not the way it is intended to find them. "Find" I also think that is where many people go wrong "Oh I just haven't found my Prince Charming yet!" We weren't told to find anyone. I believe that we are called to wait & God will bring that someone even when we least expect it. I'l get girls saying "But how will I know?" here is the thing I think you will know it will just feel right, & you will have peace in your heart about it. It may not be butterflies, & all that lovey, dovey infatuation like you see in movies or stories, cause I believe that, that is not how it works. Don't get me wrong, I am sure there are moments like that, but we can be very blind sometimes & get caught up in those moments & it is mostly just the infatuation. I want more than infatuation. I want the Love of God straight & smack dab in the middle of us where we are so completely & deeply in love with God that, God brings us together without even knowing it, or expecting it, & only at His timing, & by His Will. Love should never be rushed, it should never be forced but love should be aloud to grow. When it is done that way I have seen so any people blessed through it, & it is just a beautiful thing... beautiful.
Monday, January 23, 2012
A Long Road Of Healing Ahead...
So, This Week Has Been...Awful... Completely...Have You Ever Just Reached A Breaking Point In You Where You Literally Fall On You Knees In Reverence & Say OK God I can No Longer Do This By Myself, & Admit That You Are A Hopeless Mess & Can't Do It Alone...Well Let Me Tell You I am There, Boy...Am I There. I Will Not Go Into Details But Let me Just Say That I am Taking Some Rather Large Steps In My Life, I am Terrified As I'll Get Out But I must Seek Refuge & Healing In a Place That Is Not Here, I know God Has Got a Plan, & Right Now It Is Hard To See What He Is Doing, But There Is Something There, So I Could Totally Use Some Prayer Right, Now. Prayer For Courage, Strength, & Peace...That Would Be Awesome...<3
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Crazy Day & Week, Well Month Actually Ahead!!
So, I have a Crazy Week ahead. About 2 weeks ago my car broke down I lost my job, & other things, & so...I am trying to figure out how to get back up to Sandpoint. It's gonna be a lot of planning but I know that if God wants me back up there He will make a way.
I miss everyone so much, I can barely stand it. I have been in Boise Idaho for almost 7 months, & it has been going fairly well but I just hit a bump in the road which sometimes happens in life, & my Dad said "Liv, Our door is always open don't ever let your Pride get in the way from asking for help. We are your parents that is what we are here for & we Love You!" Words from a wise man who raised me well.
I am so blessed to have been raised in Christ & in the ways of God's word. I still have much to learn, but I have come to realize that life is all about learning. Everyday I believe you can learn something new & grow a little more as each stage in your life comes. I have had a lot of new stages in the past 2 years, more are still to come, & I am nervous but excited at the same time. I believe that there are a lot of adventures to discover, & am ready to embrace it! :) Well I am sure that I will post again soon! :)
I miss everyone so much, I can barely stand it. I have been in Boise Idaho for almost 7 months, & it has been going fairly well but I just hit a bump in the road which sometimes happens in life, & my Dad said "Liv, Our door is always open don't ever let your Pride get in the way from asking for help. We are your parents that is what we are here for & we Love You!" Words from a wise man who raised me well.
I am so blessed to have been raised in Christ & in the ways of God's word. I still have much to learn, but I have come to realize that life is all about learning. Everyday I believe you can learn something new & grow a little more as each stage in your life comes. I have had a lot of new stages in the past 2 years, more are still to come, & I am nervous but excited at the same time. I believe that there are a lot of adventures to discover, & am ready to embrace it! :) Well I am sure that I will post again soon! :)
A Little About Me!!!
Hello all My Name Is Olivia!
I have never done a blog in my life, but I thought it would be fun. I love to write, I am not the greatest, of course but I try my very best! :)
Well I am 21 years old. I grew up in a tiny town called "Sandpoint Idaho" (I know what your thinking, You are thinking "Oh Look Sand, Point!" & Pointing your finger at it!) ha-ha!..Ok Well probably not...I know I would though, it is quite a funny title ha-ha!!
Anyway, I love to make jokes even though they are not very funny sometimes, they can be so silly & dumb that people end up laughing anyway, because of how stupid it was ha-ha!! I love making people laugh I find great Joy in it!! :) & half the time I join right in with the laughter! ;)
This is quite random, but today I went to a place called "Dutch Brothers Coffee" Ever heard of it? Oh Man... They are a wonderful little piece of Heaven on earth. Phew, let me tell you! Anyway, I got this Coffee, called the "911" & literally...It fits its name alright I was so stinkin hyper, I could not hold still or stop talking, humming, pacing, you name it I was crazy! but yes my friend Ryann, & Rebekah sent me to bed finally, & am now reaching a calmer state of mind lol but coffee... makes me a little nuts!
Well I really want to write more...but, I should really get some sleep, ;) but I will write again soon, if I can find my blog, technology confuzzles me I lose things on here but yes...OKAY, I AM GOING TO BED NOW!!! :) TOOTLES!!! <3
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)